Breastfeeding is a Personal Choice
Blog Note: This post is part of our “Advice from those who Survived” Series, reflections of Women over 45 who made through pregnancy, motherhood, parenting, marriage, divorce, blended families, infertilty, PMS, female health issues, menopause and all the fun that goes with it.
The Chief Blonde and her son, Ben
I am kind of cringing in the corner as I write this. Breastfeeding is so touted, promoted, and “Approved” that people are aghast when they find out you don’t/didn’t/couldn’t/wouldn’t breastfeed. Hear me out, I CHOSE NOT TO BREASTFEED.
“But it’s the Best for the Baby” they gasp.
“You’ll miss critical Bonding time” they gush.
“He’ll get allergies” you are warned.
“She’ll feel neglected and unconnected with you” they chirp.
“You MUST breastfeed until they are 1 years old” they assert.
HMMMMM….
I Chose not to Breastfeed
I didn’t discuss this with anyone. I never carefully talked it over with my mother, my doctor, my husband or my baby. I just decided that breastfeeding was not for me. I watched my girlfriends “suffer” through it (cracked nipples, sleepless nights, constant worry) and I just said, “Um, NO THANKS”! So shoot me.
Why would a MBA with 20 years of formal education reject such a publically held notion and choose the “Unpopular” choice? Why would a mother who had suffered through 10 years of Husband ( the first husband) imposed waiting, then infertility, then a miscarriage, not choose the option that everyone “Says” is the only way to go? Why not even “Try” it? Well, I just didn’t want to, I chose to bottle feed. That was it. After 9 months of baby occupation, I needed my body back. I chose to bottle feed. I certainly didn’t mind feeding my children..it was a wonderful bonding time but I just didn’t feel that nutrition needed to come from me. I chose to bottle feed. During my pregnancy, my already large breasts swelled to gargantuan proportions. I just simply could not manage the size of them engorged with all that milk and pain. So I chose to bottle feed. I was never a big one for having my breasts touched anyway..so once again…I chose to bottle feed. My reasons are rational, and I never regretted it for one single second during and after both of my childrens’ births.
So what were the Results of My Choices? A Woman over 45 looks back.
As unpopular as my choice was among my friends, family, and society (yes, I took a lot of crap), my children turned out wonderful (IMO). My son is 21, studying to be a pharmacist, loves his mom and has no problem loving others. He is smart as a whip and the only allergies he has is a sensitivity to peanuts. My daughter is 19, gorgeous and lovely. She loves her mom and still calls me three times a day from University. She is super smart and talented and will be able to do ANYTHING she wants in life (She wants to be Martha Stewart). She does have seasonal allergies which she developed around 13. Related to lack of Breastfeeding…who will ever know?
Did either have a oversupply of childhood illnesses? Nope. Healthy as could be.
Did either ever hate my guts and not feel loved? Well it’s possible at moments..they WERE teenagers but no ..not really.
Did I dodge the “I didn’t breastfeed” bullet? Maybe. But I will NEVER regret my decision. I think breastfeeding would have made me NUTS.
Advice to NEW MOMS
In First World countries, babies can be given adequate nutrition from formula, IMO. You must do your research, consult the parenting books and make your own informed decisions. I am NOT a doctor, I am just a mom who decided breastfeeding wasn’t for me. I could not possibly advise you what you should do. Only you can decide that. But that is also my advice…ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE THAT! Know what I mean?
WHAT DO YOU THINK? Is Breastfeeding the ONLY way to feed a child?
Did this post make you think? Want to express an opinion? Can you Stumble it for me?
I am a grandmother of 3 who nursed her 3 children. Yet my own mother chose not to nurse any of her 5 children. We all felt very close and loved. As you say, it is a personal choice and I believe that,too.
I ended up doing both. I was not able to produce enough milk for my kids. So I did both.
My milk also made my daughter really sick after a few weeks.
As a grandmother and mother, I have learned it does not matter how you feed your baby. People can be very opinionated about this issue but it is your choice. Don’t listen to anyone tell you what to do for YOUR baby. I have told my adult daughters and daughter-in-laws this advice.
They say it is healthier to breast feed. When I had my daughter I chose not to breast feed. I think mothers are breast feeding more now.
I am with you on this one..I also had 2 children that I chose NOT to breast feed. They turned out perfectly fine..were never under weight…one didnt sleep thru the nite for almost 2 years..and the other was sleeping thru the night since she was 2 weeks old. I think it is a matter of personal choice…and it was not my choice.
I think every woman should make the decision whether or not to breastfeed for herself. I breastfed before it was cool. : – ) I do think a lot of women who choose not to breastfeed might change their minds if they realize it doesn’t have to be for a full year. I made so much milk it exhausted me, and my doctor suggested I try to make it to 3 months. I managed that. And with both kids, I weaned them directly to the cup and they didn’t even put up a fuss. I gave them that good start mother’s milk affords, myself the health benefits from nursing, and they’re as well-adjusted as any of their peers. That said, I don’t know how working women manage to breastfeed unless they’re among the lucky few who get three to six months off.
Thanks for your insightful comments. I had never realized there was an issue with “Over-production”. Good for you for sticking with it and doing what you thought was best for your children. I applaud your efforts and your wisdom could help others as well. The Chief Blonde
I am a huge huge fan of each mother doing what is best for her and her family. I think the only trap we fall into is not doing things wrong, but assuming there is a singular right. There isn’t even a single right thing to do among all of the children on one family. Well said. SOrry to be an idiot, stumble it for you? Happy to just tell me what i need to do….
Hi, Stumble Upon is another social tool that people use to browse the internet in a fun random way. It can also be used for social verification and blog traffic. If you take time to read about it, you may like it! The Chief Blonde
I breastfed all 4 children. At one point, I was nursing a newborn and a toddler. I cherished every moment of it! However, my best friend, the Mother of 11 children (yes…you heard me right)bottle fed all of her children. It never affected our friendship because we both have love and respect for each other. I think it is a very personal choice and you made yours! Thanks for sharing your story!
I appreciate you being so open with me (and your friend). I was just trying to raise the issue and I was suprised at the various responses it generated. (My facebook page blew up!) The chief BLonde
It’s funny because I don’t remember feeling pressured to breast feed but I also don’t remember thinking there was any other way. And, you’re right, I did look askance at women who did not breastfeed because I felt it was selfish. Looking back at it now and the many, many other assumptions, perspectives and opinions I had at that time, I know it took me time and growing up to respect other people’s choices. Live and let live.
Lynn, thanks for your honesty. I think your approach will help other young mothers in their judgement of people. The Chief Blonde