Intellectual Blonde Joke
Women over 45 and Blondes…You will appreciate this one.
Everyone else will get a good chuckle too!
Category: menopausal quotes
Menopausal Quotes and Jokes of the Day-July 2010 Edition
I don’t want to brag or make anybody jealous or anything… but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts.
- Richard Bach
Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.”
–Eleanor Hibbert,
British author
British author
In seeking wisdom thou art wise; in imagining that thou hast attained it–thou art a fool.
–Lord Chesterfield
Never confuse motion with action.”
–Benjamin Franklin,
American inventor, statesman
American inventor, statesman
Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.”
–Sholem Asch,
Polish-American novelist
Polish-American novelist
The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way.”
–Bertrand Russell,
British philosopher, logician, mathematician and historian
British philosopher, logician, mathematician and historian
If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it. Your life will be impoverished. But if you invest in beauty, it will remain with you all the days of your life.”
–Frank Lloyd Wright,
American architect
American architect
People always call it luck when you’ve acted more sensibly than they have.
–Anne Tyler,
American author
American author
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
–Elizabeth Bibesco,
British writer
Hate is like acid. It can damage the vessel in which it is stored as well as destroy the object on which it is poured.” –Ann Landers,
American advice columnist
Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman.”
–Gabrielle “Coco” Chanel,
French fashion designer
What kind of man would live where there is no daring? I don’t believe in taking foolish chances, but nothing can be accomplished without taking any chance at all.”
–Charles A. Lindbergh,
American aviator
If you can’t change your fate, change your attitude.”
–Amy Tan,
American author
“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible.”
- T.E. LAWRENCE (Lawrence of Arabia)
America’s future will be determined by the home and the school. The child becomes largely what he is taught; hence we must watch what we teach, and how we live.–Jane Addams,
founder of the U.S. settlement house movement
The Funniest blog Post you will ever ever READ! Women over 45
I Just Cry Everytime I See this One.
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| “This “all purpose jumpsuit” is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply “relaxing around the house.” Personally, I can’t see wearing this unless you happen to be “relaxing around your cell in D-block.” Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden forced you to at gunpoint.” 15 minutes for Lunch! |
Want more hilarity from a 1977 JC Penney catalog? Here’s the link to 15 Minutes for Lunch Classic Blog post–http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com/2007/10/strap-in-shut-up-and-hold-on-were-going.html. Who can believe HUMANS wore this stuff just 33 years ago! Beyond Hideous. Here’s the link to the Funniest Blog Post you have ever read–language can be a little crude–but the laugh is SOOOOOOOOOOO worth it! Women over 45–you’ll be able to relate to these fashions, you or your mom wore this stuff!
Menopausal Quotes and Jokes of the Day-April 2010 Edition
”Finish each day And be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in. Forget them as soon as you can.”–Ralph Waldo Emerson.
I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.”–Thomas Jefferson,
third U.S. president,
third U.S. president,
Because it’s not enough that I am the center of my universe; I for some reason think I need to be the center of yours too!
Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.”–Orison Swett Marden,
American author
American author
You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.
–Beverly Sills,
American operatic soprano
Courage is being scared to death–but saddling up anyway.
–John Wayne, Actor
Save the Earth! It’s the only planet with Chocolate!!
Hold on tight to your dream.”
–Electric Light Orchestra,
British rock band, from the song “Hold on Tight”
We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.”
–Maya Angelou,
American writer
American writer
It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.”
–William James,
American philosopher
American philosopher
“In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When he succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.”
–Mark Twain – American Writer, 1835-1910
The only thing that separates successful people from the ones who aren’t is the willingness to work very, very hard.”
–Helen Gurley Brown,
American author, publisher and businesswoman
American author, publisher and businesswoman
Tis easy enough to be pleasant, When life flows along like a song; But the man worthwhile is the one who will smile when everything goes dead wrong.”
–Ella Wheeler Wilcox,
American writer
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
–Theodor Seuss Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss,
American author
Aspire to be Barbie – Everything is possible with Barbie!
Menopausal Quotes and Jokes of the Day–February 2010 Edition
Look at those cows and remember that the greatest scientists in the world have never discovered how to make grass into milk.
Inventor Michael Pupin
Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.”
–George Washington,
1st U.S. president
1st U.S. president
Money will buy a fine dog, but only
kindness will make him wag his tail.
kindness will make him wag his tail.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
Seat belts are not as confiningas wheelchairs.
Why is it that at class reunions you
feel younger than everyone else looks?
feel younger than everyone else looks?
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong
number at 4 AM. Like this: It could be a right number.
number at 4 AM. Like this: It could be a right number.
I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.”
–Abraham Lincoln,
16th U.S. president
16th U.S. president
Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.”–Princess Diana
“Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health.” – Julia Child
Undertake not what you cannot perform, but be careful to keep your promise.”–George Washington,
1st U.S. president
1st U.S. president
It’s only with the heart that one can see clearly. What’s essential is invisible to the eye.
Try not. Do… or do not. There is no try.
Menopausal Quotes and Jokes of the Day–January 2009 edition
So if you think your life is complete confusion because your neighbor’s got it made, just remember that it’s a grand illusion and deep inside we’re all the same.”
–Styx,
American rock band, from “The Grand Illusion
American rock band, from “The Grand Illusion
And always remember…..when life hands you Lemons,ask for Tequila and Salt and call me over!
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOOO HOOOOO what a ride!’
If you can’t be a good example — then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.
The essence of Chutzpah for Women over 45
Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance; it’s Yiddish and, as Leo Rosten writes, no other word, and no other language, can do it justice. This example is better than a thousand words…
A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and as he passed the pretzel stand he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel.
And this went on for more than 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the young man passed the old lady’s stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.
Without blinking an eye she said:
“They’re 35 cents now.”
Menopausal Quotes and Jokes of the Day–December 2009 Edition
Photo by Phitar
- Life is Short, Buy the Shoes
- I have always admired the ability to bite off more than one can chew and then chew it.”William C. deMille, American screenwriter and film director
- Age doesn’t matter, unless you are a Cheese!
- We must welcome the future, remembering that soon it will be the past; and we must respect the past, remembering that it was once all that was humanly possible.” George Santayana, philosopher, poet
- If I have seen farther than others, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.–Sir Isaac Newton, English physicist and mathematician
- We never understand a thing so well, and make it our own, as when we have discovered it for ourselves.”–Rene Descartes,French mathematician, philosopher
- “Imagine a world in which every single person on the planet has free access to the sum of all human knowledge.”— Jimmy Wales, Founder of Wikipedia
- “I never think of the future — it comes soon enough.”–Albert Einstein, physicist
Menopausal Quotes and Jokes of the Day–November 2009 Edition
I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back sometimes.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back sometimes.
I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:
a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says WTF!
”She is a friend of mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It’s good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind.” – — Toni Morrison
My Aunt Judy says: It was much easier being the mom in the 70′s. I WAS google. And they accepted/believed what I said (as least within earshot). And when I said that they were okay and they should just walk it off, they didn’t check on WebMD.com.
What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?
A crazy woman who will find you
Two of the greatest qualities in life are: Patience and Wisdom. The Wisdom is knowing when to be Patient!
However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.” British prime minister
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!”
–Maya Angelou,
American poet and memoirist
American poet and memoirist
Take no prisoners. 
“Remember mate, not all sharks are in the water” – The Pagemaster
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”–Oscar Wilde,
Irish writer
Irish writer
‘No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.’ – Ronald Reagan 
Make mine estrogen!
Cinderella is living proof that a pair of shoes can change your LIFE!I don’t have hot flashes, I have short private vacations in tropical-like conditions.
Real Women don’t have HOT FLASHES, they have POWER SURGES!
12 Things PMS Stands For: 1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Pack My Stuff
12. Potential Murder Suspect
7 Dwarves of Menopause1. Itchy
2. Bitchy
3. Sweaty
4. Sleepy
5. Bloated
6. Forgetful
7. Psycho
Blog Note: Quotes attributed where known–apologies to those who have been omitted!
